I can't write as humourously as Stitchy McYarnPants of the Museum of Kitschy Stitches (Vols. I, II, III, IV and V). I'm not as up-to-date as knittykitty of the the You Knit What blog. And even (or especially) my husband thinks I'm the last person to be an authority on this subject. However, I scanned some choice pattern pics from my small collection of "antique" (meaning, completely out of style) knitting and crafting books to give you: What Not to Knit.